I now have started transferring my hate to my sister just bc they are so close. Question: Why does my father keep on calling me an idiot? I didn’t tell him this right away to avoid a argument. He is too unforgivable, as he even told me, if I were to be having a family, my actions would repeat. I’m not emotionally involved in the problem so I should be able to help you step back and consider a different way to deal with it. Can I live with a different family member or just a different family? I don't want to break up our family. And he says none of that is a excuse and proceeds to tell me that I am grounded for a day. I'm his primary caee taker and even now he still wants me around and always tries to touch me. Can you help? ... for my 15th birthday my dad … Sometimes say things like, 'Look in the mirror, dad' when he tells you you're angry, or "If I were happy at home, perhaps I wouldn't be," when he calls you a b*tch. Here are a few thoughts that I hope will help you. If he’s taking your brother without even inviting you, he’s just plain rude. You can't blame a child if they hate you. And sperm or no sperm, no other person should get your love, and respect without giving the same to you. I just feel he loves her more than he loves my mom. There’s A LOT more to him and my family. I'm just so tired. You ask me if you should do something. Because they do not have the power, knowledge, or ability to resolve an abusive relationship, they require intervention to help resolve the conflict. He’s a salesman for his business so he knows how to persuade but uses it to his advantage on making me and my sister feel like we are wrong and he’s right. First, my uncle’s wife died, and my dad started drinking in the hospital. Or maybe you can identify some other person or event associated with your earliest anxiety attacks. Every girls prince is his dad. Last July I moved out because I could not take my fathers abuse anymore when I was younger he used to hit and grab me he’s left bruises and I’ve had a sprained finger from the time he went to smack me and I put my hands up to defend myself in the last few years most of the abuse has been emotional and mental making me feel less than. But life goes on and everyone is left trying to pick up the pieces. I know that it's partially my fault, but in my point of view, I think it's his fault. Sometimes i get nightmares involving him getting so mad that he kills my mom in a fit of rage and threatening to kill me and my brother if anyone of us tells someone like a police officer. If there’s more, please tell me. Thank you I will tell you how it goes and hopefully he lets me see her cause my brother gets to see her but he lives with his dad and step mom like me and another reason I want to see her is so my brother doesn't have to feel alone while with her I know how he feels about her so I want to be there with my brother and my mom cause I know their both going threw lonely times and my mother. And with that thought, I want you to be conscious of the fact that many millions of kids survive their childhood and then, when they are old enough, they move out and have little (or nothing) to do with their fathers. See what he says. But he is so good at being charming and funny and playing nice. LongTimeMother (author) from Australia on September 16, 2019: Satyapriya, you should follow your dreams. On your birthday weekend. Your little brother says he wanted him to stop, but he thought that asking would make him angry, so he decided to lay still until it was over. So the price you’ll have to pay is leaving your comfort zone and feeling uncomfortable for a while. When your dad says 'If you love me, you'll give me a foot massage', you could smile and say 'And if you love me, you'll let me (fill in the gap).' The author gives 5 pieces of advice so fatherless daughters can move on and enjoy purposeful lives. I am a Christian; blind honor is not what God teaches. I use to always say to my Mom I don't want to be like him, Mom. You might be able to chip away at his bad behavior and turn him into a nicer man. They talk and laugh briefly and then she leaves and continues to ignore him. But it seems like a problem to my father. The most important element of any of these suggestions is the natural completion point. There's no point being angry. If your mom is disabled and can’t earn an income without your dad, what’s she going to do? He is cruel to be attacking your self esteem by calling you names, and yelling doesn’t help anyone. I have heart problems and he's always over dramatizing that too and then I have to explain to everyone how most of the stuff he said isn't true. Try hard to study and develop skills that will help you in your adult life. Everybody’s hurting; there’s no right and wrong. He hasn't pushed you away so you have to give him some credit for that when you think about him. I don’t like arguing with him. We tried to teach him tricks like “sit”, “come here”, or just by calling him by his name. My mum is struggling financially as she does with everything and he doesn't work but lives off of her money as if he is rich and buys cigarettes everyday . He acts in such a condescending way, and believes that he should receive respect just because he is a father. Maybe if you can position his ‘head’ in a place where he can view himself as your helpful father instead of him thinking he has to yell at you, things might calm down. It is not your fault he’s so awful. Whoever you may be out there, your life is yours and yours alone to live. I’m a very sensitive and emotional wreck and he tells me I need to grow up and get a life. Hopefully you can watch and learn from those other happy families. Your probably laughing cause i am, the dumbest turkish family in the whole world never seen such worse, anyways we agree and its time to sell my stuff, I know what my fathers thinking is, Before before long time ago 1 year 2016 December i got my ps4 2017 June i had been playing so much in summer ( NO FRICKING SCHOOL) He wanted to get rid of it so he started making "good deals with me" it started of with sell ur ps4 ill get u the finest bicycle etc etc . I hate him so, so much. I'm never happy around him but I'm always happy with my mom. if I did not agree to do the vacation, my dad would not let me go to the camp. But mental illness is more complex than one emotion. And he's your dad and her husband. If his anger can be controlled by more (or less) meds, your mother needs to drive the change. What am I to do? Not in fights, but with words. There might be a medical problem causing his mood swings and it won't be fixed without some kind of intervention. He tells me he loves me, but I hate him. It is wrong in so many ways to say you 'hate' your dad just because he doesn't support your family financially right now. There is a lot in these bills, which is going to require a great deal of work. You say your dad knows you hate him. I don’t know what to do. It was bad too the point I could not love anything about myself... so my mom took me to the doctor and the doctor ushered my mom out of the room and aksed "Is there trouble at home? Perhaps she can intervene and remind your dad he's not spending time with you or being as nice a dad as he used to be. My dads side keep saying things like he’s your father and he loves you and just make me feel guilty for leaving and I want a relationship with my dad he’s my father but I need him to understand what he’s done and he just wont he tries to justify it and doesn’t care that I’m hurt or that he continues to hurt me he gave my room to my brother even though he said I’d still have a home there and he’s been doing all these things with my brother that he’d never done before when I was there like skiing and tree top trekking and now what hurts the most is he’s going to Europe on vacation directly on the day of my birthday. I found so much validation I’m him and I now question why? I just needed to vent. - Talk to your mother, your grandparents, or some other adult you trust. She doesn’t want to be in the same room and even goes the roundabout way in the house to avoid him. Believe me, it much less damaging to be yelled at by your stepfather, than to be touched inappropriately. Please,I am 15 and I need help. He never gave me a chance to talk, he just assumed how I felt. Many insurers also offer rental coverage as an addition to your policy, and it’s cheaper than keeping a separate AAA membership. Just okay. Free from his control, you can set yourself goals and achieve them. Chay right, friends? I wish he could die then everyone here would be happy. Don’t get involved in the dynamics of your parents’ relationship. It sounds to me like your father’s behaviour hasn’t changed over the years ... only you’ve changed. I'll be fine. Maybe your mother could help him see what he’s doing. The first one was that, I forgot to cook rice for everyone since I got too distracted in watching my favorite films, until he comes out of the door as he recently woke up, he asked me if I cooked rice, I said no, I forgot. Never has he abused my mom or me, and I think my parents do love each other. If you have immediate family in the military, you may qualify for USAA, which has great auto insurance rates and roadside assistance like many other insurance companies offer, only cheaper. I hate the way he's paranoid about things and the way he treats my mother and him favouring his stupid relatives over us. I hate my dad, i hate my dad so much that i try everything just to be the opposite of my dad. He told me that he knows I hate him, and I can't do anything I want as long as I live in his house. I tried visiting every Friday which took a toll on my Friday night and one Friday I had a fever so I texted him saying I was just going to go home and go to bed he said to just come for dinner but I was exhausted and wanted to sleep was that so unreasonable and He turned around and said I didn’t need to lie even tho up till then I’d been keeping my promise so I stopped going bc I got mad and only went over on special occasions which in my family is at least once a month. I sometime even hate my mom when she defend him out of pitty.i think he deserve to die alone.i feel more angry everytime i see him around the house and i should think that i don't have father and his support,but he sits right there and could help me but he refuse to help to show me im nothing without him. He takes it down at the end of the day and keeps a collection of his notes in a folder. Instead of instantly hating your father, I think you should try to get to know him better and discuss the issues that bother you. Of course, your parents might remove the note, and you might not get to keep it (unless you ask them), but your primary goal should be for them to ‘hear’ you by writing it in the first place. What should I do? @Name, I’m pleased to hear you are looking to the future. You becoming a father had nothing to do with me, so you should blame yourself.". If I were you I’d be asking ‘Do you hate all men or just your dad?’ If she says all men, you need to figure out why. He doesn't even know my age. Your dad will have less influence in your life after you move out. For example, I have a eating problem and I know it, I try to eat more but it’s hard. I don’t even think I like him. That’s the best thing to do. Just be prepared for him to be a bit outraged by the question. Instead, start building your confidence by standing up to your father. And, if you father scares you, I think you should be asking your mother not to leave you girls at home alone with him. Question: My dad is actually a good person, but he has high blood pressure. When others have issues that are so much worse than mine, why am I recoiling at his presence, why do I seek the physical pain to match my mental one, my anger? hes like so irritating that i just get so irritated and devastated that either i end up beating myself or i go to depression for many days, i cant sleep at night due to it. You said you became aggressive, and that you are an animal person. When children see their mother crying, it can be instinct to hate whoever or whatever causes her grief. Take up learning a musical instrument or writing songs. He's supposed to love you both. I wish he was dead plus all his crappy relatives so that my mom and I can be happy. With that title, I thought this was on r/roastme for a second. This new man is not your father. He could've lived, only if those docoters at least tried to save him and not thought about the stupid money! We always texting, asking how each other doing. When your time comes to be a parent, be a good one. You don’t want to make things worse than they are. He calls me useless, manipulative, tells me to hang myself quite often and then acts like nothing happened. She used to write me notes, and would often ask questions in them with boxes for ‘yes’ and ‘no’ for me to tick. You have a talk with him, where he says he “never meant to hurt you” and “didn’t realize you were upset when he missed your concerts and games,” and you promise to talk more. You have to get through these tough years to reach the fun and rewards you’ll have as an adult. Now he come back living with us, I was the one insisted for him to return. Are you worried about this kind of thing because that’s how you were as a teenager?”. The summer of 6th grade I spiraled into a deep depression and pushed everyone away, and some hold it against me still. He forces me to do school work, and yes, that is very small, however, it's different when you already have done the school work and you have a schedule which permits you two-three hours of free time and then when you are ON said free time, you're not allowed to have it. Don't expect her to 'know' how you feel. ", Or. A child's self-esteem can be directly linked to how they believe their father perceives them. I believe you should be concentrating on studying and having fun with your friends as well as being an active, helpful member of your family. about 2 years ago when i was 11 i found out my father was cheating on my mom, i didnt want to hurt her so i kept it to myself for 3 months, it broke me from the inside out so i told my grandma, and she told me that i had to tell my mom, she told him he had to sleep on the couch and she took his phone from him, about 2 weeks later she let him back in the bed and he was allowed to have his phone again. I lived in TX and the amount of innocent people getting hit and killed while on the side of the road when their car had a flat or something is very high. I found out I was depressed when my family and friends started telling me I acted like a depressed person, but they didn’t want to say anything. He calls "just a little girl" " stupid" "dumb" and laughs when i tell my mom someone is bullying me. My brother adores my dad. I didn’t want to argue at the moments becuase I didn’t want to have a all out war with him. Question: My dad is aware that I hate him. He says he loves us, but he doesn't act like it. What should we do? And if you want to talk with me more about exactly what’s going on with your dad, start a conversation with me in the Comments section at the bottom of this article. I just really never had a connection with him. But until then, don't blame them if they don't know what's really going on. It is easy to become self-absorbed and moody or impatient towards anyone who dares enter your personal space without being invited. I’ll just share a few of my thoughts, in the hope they help. You can’t expect me to grow up and be another you.". I think that says you’re a nice person, and I’m proud of you! Mothers should encourage positive sentiments regarding a child's father, regardless of the parents' relationship status and level of friendliness. However, there's one thing I will suggest you try. I've never seen him the same way since. There will be plenty of years to consider establishing a fresh relationship with your father once you’ve established yourself in the adult world and gained more confidence. Cross your fingers and hope that your child grows into an adult who can see and respect your efforts to do the right thing. Why do I hate him? close to him I don’t like. (This is important, and will help you better understand my advice to you about other things.). My mom once thought it's okay to marry another man, she thought it would made us let's people to look down on us. my problem with him, is that he has a short and explosive temper. Just calmly ask him, 'How can I respect a man who hits my mother?' It is better to avoid any future conflict if you can. I’m just trying to get thru college (That he’s paying for) so I can get out from under him and not speak to him. Answer: It must be incredibly difficult being so anxious. I think you need to discuss this with your mother and your grandparents and anyone else you can think of who has an interest in your father’s mental health because that doesn’t sound normal at all. He is always right. Now here’s something else you could try if you feel your parents aren’t listening to your feelings; you could write them letters (notes) and leave them somewhere for them to see. How can I get him to stop? I'm hoping that he'll become more forgiving of you as you become more forgiving towards him. He has publicly embarrassed me for wanting to put soap in a gift bag, and no, I’m not exaggerating. I also discovered he's an authoritative parent as he has set high standards on me, like he wants things to be prepared as soon as he steps out of the room after being awake. I think you should start by trying to figure out when / where / why your anxious feelings first began. Couldn’t you just try being a nice, friendly dad to us for a while, please?”. You have to accept that your dad is a dud. 15. Question: My dad is the worst dad ever. List the many ways their dad was a good dad. At all. This isn’t the first comment and I’m sure it won’t be the last. You'll make lots of friends over the coming years, and some of them will no doubt be older folk who become like a 'father figure.' Can you imagine waking up each morning and viewing every day as a new adventure? That was your dad’s choice as well. What's wrong with me? Maybe when i was a baby or a child. Was he drunk or on drugs? Answer: There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. He rejects advices and very denial. Guess what. I would have a school physiologist to talk to me about making "friends". This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional. I dont feel any connection with my dad. My mom runs our family. LongTimeMother (author) from Australia on October 22, 2019: Your mum is obviously doing her best so I hope you are supportive and help her around the house. I hate my dad and everyone makes excuses for him when he's sober (he acts like nothing ever happened). Maybe he mows the lawn in his time off. I can’t tell if you are frightened or just disappointed. I’m thinking your dad may well see that he was wrong to complain. I was so scared that I started crying when he left, but I yelled at him too because I was just asking where mom is. I’m thinking your sister, B, is also aggressive and an animal person. How should I tell him this? He said no, but he won’t give me a reason. I hate him so much, I’m miserable at home. He is so toxic! I insisted on pulling all the way off the shoulder and onto the grass, and my wife was furious with me for that. Study and prepare yourself for some kind of great career where you make plenty of money as an adult. She is the type that supports me. So give it a try. Go fishing until it is time to go home for lunch. My dad complains about everything. LongTimeMother (author) from Australia on June 30, 2019: Muhammad, we all face challenges in life. If he wants to be viewed as a nice and respectable man, he should behave himself at home. If you bring his cheating out into the open air, your parents will have no way to continue the way they are now. He stormed off and got his belt before returning a few seconds later. he just wants to speak and doesnt listens to anyone, he always keep on barging about what he does and always tries to prove himself as hes protecting us but hes actually treating me as a slave or a laborer, i really wanna kill myself every day i wake up and he makes such a shit face like i did something wrong itself in the morning, this piece of shit respects no one, NO ONE, not his mother not his father or his own brother leave me and my mother and sister apart. First, you have to get your head around what quality time actually means. "Are you angry at me because of what I did? I had to fight for it. I'm not sure if you said the words out loud to him or your dad's just assuming you hate him because of your actions and behavior around him. Question: My 14-year-old daughter states she hates her Dad but says he’s done nothing wrong. Im 12 and I started hating my dad in august. I understand that you don’t trust your dad, but if he’s doing his best to support you and your mom, you have to give him some credit for that mentally. And I made sure I gave him 0 honor; I had no children. You know, then, his house-tidying can only mean one thing. Encourage your friends and family to resist the urge to speak badly about the child's father in front of them. If you don't, you may struggle with low self-esteem, eating disorders, and destructive relationships.

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